Stuck in the middle .

My life hangs in the balance; there are two paths in front of me, and I don’t control which one my life takes.

I applied to dozens of medical schools, and almost every single one has rejected me — except for one school I interviewed at in January, and I am waiting to hear back from. The medical school application process is long, but to not have an acceptance this late is not a good sign. In essence, I have a lottery ticket that is crumpled up, torn at the edges, and is probably for a lottery that already happened (but at least I have one).

It is difficult to accept that my life is controlled by unseen and unpredictable forces; much like the radioactive decay of alpha particles from an unstable isotope, I don’t understand why. But this process, I suppose, has been a reminder that human existence has some of the randomnesses of quantum physics. Needless to say, this is not how I expected things to go.

Medicine is the path I want to take. In no other path would I feel fulfilled and satisfied. Each morning, I check my email inbox, hoping that I find out which path I am chosen for. Until then, I will be waiting at the proverbial crossroads.